Are you feeling challenged in a relationship? You feel like “it” isn’t working for you, or you wonder what’s going on with someone because you can’t seem to “reach” them? In those times when you are expecting something of (or from) someone else, and it isn’t coming, then we ourselves can feel displaced, misunderstood, maybe even wrongly judged. Here is a way you can help yourself out, by remembering it all starts with “me”. I know, this sounds like a Facebook meme (and it is one, I’ve seen it pop up often enough myself) nevertheless, it really is the key to unlock those moments ofRead More →

Today, I’d like to talk about compassion, forgiveness and mercifulness.   It isn’t good for you, to judge other people for their actions, you are only weighing yourself down when you judge and blame, and you will be inhibiting another’s progress when you hold onto resentment and strife. When we forgive, we release ourselves from entanglements and old beliefs, and we are open to give up old behaviors. Giving up such old behaviors also puts us in a place to be able to develop healthy relationships. Forgiveness is a sign of your strength, not proof of your weakness. Forgiveness does not mean we are allowingRead More →

Coaching ideas that work #4 Think slow to move fast Didn’t get the positive feedback that you felt you deserved and expected? Or someone didn’t express their appreciation of you like you thought they would? Maybe you failed at something that you put a lot of effort into? Is it just one of those days where things aren’t moving like you would like for them to and that has that got you feeling a bit down and out-of-sorts? Here’s one idea you can use to get yourself out of the riptide: think slow to be able to move fast. This is a technique from MindfulnessRead More →

Describe – don’t explain it away What happens when we take a piece of behavior and identify ourselves with that behavior? Or refer to something as if it were our personality:  i.e. “That’s me, I’m clumsy!” (Identity? Personality? Behavior?) “I always get angry when someone does xyz.” (Identity? Personality? Behavior?) You’re describing a behavior – not your identity, and not your personality. You are telling what you do – not telling who you are. You might be inclined to counter this statement by saying something like, “Well, that’s just the way I am.” But are you really always that way? Everywhere and all the time?Read More →

Do you sometimes feel like you’re wasting your breath, trying to tell people what to do, what they should be doing, or giving them tips on how they could get better results? Are you trying to sell an idea and they just don’t get it? Why not stop “telling” and start “asking”. Good questions get the other person thinking, You want them to come up with the reason why such-and-such is a good idea for themselves, that is what motivation is all about. Here are a couple of guidelines for how to ask “good” questions: Ask friendly, clarifying questions. Be fair: don’t set traps. AskRead More →

… and why people may not be listening to you. If you think you’re not being listened to, then maybe it is because you may not be really listening to them, it is hard work to hear what others are saying. If you really desire to listen, so that you really hear what others are saying, then try out this internal check by asking yourself the following: Mind-reading: “Do I think I know what the other person is going to say next?” You won’t be really listening if you already think you know what someone else is going to say next. Rehearsing: You’re not listeningRead More →