There are many ways to set New Year’s Resolutions, and I have chosen to focus on five questions. It is easy for me to remember these, and I can turn back to them if I am in a slump. Somehow, it becomes second nature to let contemplating over these questions drive my behavior to achieve the goals I set for myself for the coming year.
Here is more background information on just how powerful these questions can be.
The first question in my New Year’s Resolution toolbox is:
“How do I want to feel? What feeling am I striving for, on every day of the year, in the coming new year?”.
This is such a powerful question!
Take this scenario as an example: you’re arguing because your partner left the kitchen in a mess … and you had stated as a “New Year’s Resolution” that you want to “feel at peace” as often as possible. How could reflecting on this feeling change how you act in this particular moment? What impact would you CREATE if you reacted according to your wish to “feel at peace” in this situation?
Here’s how you get the best results when you ask yourself this question:
Here’s a little trick how you can make asking yourself this question a habit: Write down your desired “feeling” on a post-it note – on multiple post-it notes if you feel like it! – and attach these reminders to places where you will see them often. Your bathroom mirror, next to your keyboard, on your car’s dashboard … Get creative! After a while, you won’t need the post-it notes, as the thought becomes second nature. In this example, you would have lots of post-it notes with the words, “I want to feel at peace” wherever you look.
The second question in my New Year’s Resolutions toolbox has more to do with “damage control”.
What will be my go-to attitude when something goes wrong?
Sometimes stuff happens: things don’t go your way, or something turns out disappointing, or something downright wrong/unfair/mean happens. It’s called life – and life is not always fair.
So this question is more about your attitude, your stance, how you will be when such a situation comes up for you. It is about “What is your go-to plan for when things aren’t going as you want them to? What attitude will you decide to take in such a situation?”.
Example: you didn’t get the job you wanted even though you worked so hard to be the chosen one; or you got feedback on work you delivered that was downright devastating, or your partner decided they wanted to start anew – with someone else. Many, many episodes in life can go wrong within a year, and the question you want to ask yourself now – in preparation for when the proverbial s hits the fan, (do it now already), is: what attitude am I going to take when bad stuff happens to me in my life?
Decide now and hold on to that attitude – you want to do this before you need it! When you define your stance in advance, at some point you will come to realize that you can get over whatever bad thing happened to you, much faster and easier. You’ll notice that you are back on the rebound faster. This is not crazy stuff, and although I don’t have scientific proof, I do know that it works – as I’ve practiced this myself for many years now.
The 3rd question in my New Year’s Resolutions toolbox has a focus on “self-care”.
“Who do I want to have in my life? What relationships do I value? Who do I want to spend time with this year?”
When I ask myself this question, it is, in all reality, not about others – but all about me. We should all seek to have relationships with others that are good for us and that don’t tear us down. Healthy relationships are with people that in one way or another, contribute to our own well-being or bring peace. It may be the friend I do yoga with or the partner I can cuddle up to when I need a hug or the group of pals that take me with them skiing – even though I am a rotten skier. This question is all about being honest with myself as to who I want to spend time with and then deciding to let all the others go. It is about defining boundaries about who and what type of behavior I will allow into my life. I can only be of service to others if I am not drained empty myself. I may have to put up with the one or the other “imperfect person” but if I can choose, and to the most part I can, I want to seek out and spend the most of time with those people that help me to “refill my cup”.
The 4th question is the most important – and the hardest for most of us – me included.
“Where am I currently on my life’s map and am I still on track?”
This question is really quite hard. Why? Because that means that you have to have set a starting point and that is where we mess up. Only when we know our starting point are we able to map out a path to the desired endpoint.
Are you happy with your starting point?
If not – start working to change that. Do It Now.
Have you always wanted to be an actress but never done anything about it? Have you always wanted to be a vegan, but still eat dairy products?
Are you dreaming of being an entrepreneur but still stuck in the planning phase?
Wherever you are on your desired change, you won’t be able to reach your goal, if you’re not using the right “map” to get you there.
Once you know your starting point, you can take stock on where you are right now, and then you can start to plan where you’re heading. Are you making progress? Good!
And if you are stuck? What little change could you take to get back on track? Did you know that just little changes in your behavior can, and do, add up? When you start to adapt your habits to support your (new?) goal – the habit itself starts to drive your progress, because sticking to the habit is more important than the intensity of the action you are taking just every so often.
Just one step at a time means progress.
And by the way, if you think about the answer that you gave to the 3rd question, you will find that here lies the answer to finding the help you need to get yourself sorted out again.
The 5th and last question in the New Year’s Resolution toolbox is life-changing – you will want to remember to ask yourself this question every single day.
“What am I grateful for?”
This is all about awareness and being in the moment. You can be grateful for a lot of things, it is a matter of looking for something to be grateful for! In situations that seem rotten at first, yet that can be reframed to be a reason to be grateful, i.e.: when you are stuck in a traffic jam, you could be grateful that you have a good audiobook to listen to while sitting there without having to put up with distractions.
It is especially valuable for our mental well-being when we recognize our gratitude for things that we all tend to take for granted, i.e. having healthy family members. Awareness of the good things in your life, and expressing gratitude for these, will change your mindset to those things that are not quite so good.
The effect is, you start to look for the good: in others, in events, in situations. (And a nice experience on the side: you’re not the complaining bore at the party, but rather the one person that people feel magnetically attracted to !).
When you practice recognizing what you are grateful for, looking for where you can express your gratitude, you will be happier with yourself – and others will notice.
Most importantly, when you feel gratitude just for being you, you will begin to notice changes in your life. Gratitude for the blessing of life is contagious!
Happy New Year! May your days be filled with fabulous relationships, prosperity, good health and peace!
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