If you have ever been a leader of a team, you will have heard the quote, “It’s lonely at the top!” at some time in your career. More quotes go like that – sayings like: “the higher up you go, the thinner the air gets,” or this one, “the higher you rise, the deeper you can fall.” It’s like someone is trying to tell you to “stay where you are; you don’t want to be a leader, it is not attractive to be a leader,” and so on.
But that’s only an opinion—not the truth. The truth is very individual; the truth can mean something different to someone else. Maybe they like thin air, maybe they prefer their own company over that of other people, maybe… maybe…
What does being a leader mean? Does it mean bossing people around, making them do what you want them to do? Pretty old-fashioned, and it doesn’t really work for long nowadays.
Does it mean—to use a buzzword that’s been going around for a few years—”servant leadership”? Serving those that you are (supposed to be) leading?
Does it mean getting people to change? Well, good luck with that! It’s hard enough to change yourself, much less get someone else to change their ways.
To me, leadership means you have a vision, you keep your presence of mind, and can discern when (and when not) to engage with things that come in your path. And because of that, others look to you for guidance. Maybe nonot necessarily guidance on everything that you do, but there is something that you are doing that someone feels like doing it as you do, or following you for, or imitating your approach, or copying how you do something.
If you are a leader, you know that you must first lead yourself. Easily said, not so easily done. In your mind, you probably have the best body and health, eat only the best food, do diligent exercise, have absolutely perfect relationships with everyone that crosses your path (or you will be starting to be all of this no later than tomorrow). You may see yourself as having a gazillion good connections, the most prestigious academic degrees, and maybe other publicly recognized status symbols; of course, you always know the right thing to say or do at exactly the right time. Everything is always falling into place for you. Right?
Let’s get real here: do you really know anybody like this? Yeah, me neither.
So instead of being “the perfect person”, because we know we are falling short on all of the things that we know we should be, could be, would be doing (if we were perfect), we beat ourselves up. So let me share with you the first step to getting over that “perfect-ness” trap.
How we talk to ourselves first is a, no: it is THE – game changer. How compassionate we are with ourselves first is what makes it possible for us to have compassion for someone else, and how we lead ourselves gives us the ability to lead others. You have to first fill your own cup before you are able to give something of you over to others.
If you’re not compassionate with yourself, folks will notice and see no reason to follow you because they instinctively know that they cannot expect compassion from you. If you can’t get your own affairs in order, then why should you expect anyone to want to copy your style?
Do you ask yourself if what you are doing is something that would justify the effort for someone to follow your lead? Are you doing something that inspires someone else to change their ways? Is “how you are showing up in the world” a reflection of the values of your leadership? Is it worth the trouble it takes to follow you, worth it to someone else?
Just food for thought.
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